An update a long time coming

Posted: April 15, 2014 in Ramblings
Tags: , ,

I haven’t been on here all that much.  I know, you’re shocked to hear that, right?  Well, it’s true!

So, what’s been going on?  Well, I’ve learned a lot about myself since my last post, and I figured I might as well share what I’ve learned with you.

I can’t run a business

My own business is essentially dead.  I took a job running a friend’s store.  Yeah, I didn’t do too good of a job with that either.  Now, I find myself gainfully unemployed.  More on that in a minute.

Now, I’d like to say that this is all a result of ADHD, but I just can’t.  The truth is, plenty of ADD/ADHD people run businesses quite successfully every day.  Meanwhile, many non-ADD/ADHD fail at running businesses every day as well.

Instead, I’m going to chalk it up to ignorance.  I just don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

I don’t really even know myself all that well

A few weeks ago, I started a new job.  I had given up on life, in a manner of speaking, and just wanted some kind of mindless work.  I wanted to go back to driving a forklift, which isn’t really mindless, but it just as mindless as driving a regular car.  It would let me spend more time thinking about the fiction writing I’ve been trying my hand at lately and let me move my career in the direction I wanted it to go.

Unfortunately, when I get a job like that, I was reminded why jobs like that aren’t a good place for me.

To start with, the job wasn’t really a forklift driving job.  It was a job that involved driving a forklift, but also required me to lift heavy tires every day.  Dozens upon dozens of them.  In two weeks of work, I injured myself once and was told I was going too slow.  I’m 40 years old, fat, and out of shape.  It’s a miracle no one had been required to call an ambulance for me.  Oh well.

I wasn’t what they needed, and they really weren’t what I needed.

However, when I took the job, I thought they were exactly what I needed.  I didn’t even realize how wrong I was.

The only thing I’ve ever been happy doing was writing

I’m a writer.  No matter what else life throws at me, I’m a writer. Period.  While writing newspaper articles and such, I loved my life and was excited to go to work each day.  Writing short stories filled me with a great joy.  Nothing else I’ve done has really given me that kind of fulfillment.

Unfortunately, ADHD kind of plays into my life here.  Anything I’m not really passionate about is likely to be something I’m not really going to along with for very long.  This is not a good thing, since I have to make a living.  Making a living from writing isn’t an easy thing.  I’ve thought about getting into copy-writing, but that’s not something I can just dive into.  It’ll take some time to get there.

Now that I know what I’d like to do for the rest of my life, the trick is to get there.  Luckily, I’m still ahead of a lot of folks who don’t have a clue what they want to do with their lives.

Conclusion

At this point, I’ve come to the conclusion that my ADHD will hamper my life for the rest of my life.  I’m really alright with that though. It means I won’t settle for less than I’m truly happy with.  The only job I kept more than a year besides the military was as a contractor for the Department of Defense.  My boss knew how to get the most out of me, mostly be letting me know what needed to be done and just getting out of my way.

Jobs like that are not just the ones where I will stick around, but also excel at.  Maybe my ADHD is really just a job checking system for me. If I feel like I have to run, then it’s definitely not a job I need to stick around for.

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Comments
  1. Splodge says:

    Hi there. I ran across your blog by way of your comments at Sarah Hoyt’s place.

    After reading a couple of your posts, I just wanted to comfort you a little regarding the business failure:

    Most successful businessmen have failed businesses behind them. Many of them have DOZENS. Having a business fold under you – even a previously successful one – is not a mark against your character, merely a mark of experience. All you can do is analyse what went wrong and learn from the experience, so you can apply it at the next opportunity, whatever that may be.

    Congratulations on your increasing knowledge, experiences, and hopefully, wisdom. Congratulations also on the realisation of the career you wish to pursue. May all of the above add great character and favour to your writing!

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